About

Pornography is a lost art.

I mean it. In these days of facebook-me-tweet-me-lol-HEEEYYYYY, everyone thinks they're a writer of smut. Fanfiction.net, countless forums, 4chan, Craigslist...erotica is everywhere, and all of it is garbage. ALL of it. Filled with "pulsating" organs and "weeping" orifices, you'd almost think that most erotica is written by people who have never had sex.

You would be correct. A lot of the most egregious fan fiction in particular is composed by 14 year-old "Twilight" fans with an expected appreciation of the English language and human anatomy.

"But Erotic Elliiiiiitist," you whine, "why do you pick on such easy targets? Isn't there a better way to spend your time? Shouldn't you spend your days writing letters to Stephen King imploring him to quit while he's before he tarnishes his legacy even further?"

To that I answer: no. I am on a MISSION, a mission to bring finer erotica to the internet. I will scour the depths of the worst writers on the web to mock them mercilessly for their mediocre musings.

I hope you enjoy.